I was in a relationship for 18 months. This girl was my life and my everything for 18 months, I stayed with her through everything. Family trouble, school trouble, things with us that made no sense. I stayed with her and endured it all because I wanted to be with her. When she was upset with her mom and took it out on me I endured, saying nothing just letting her vent. I ended my life basically for her I ignored my friends, family, myself for 18 months. I took portraits of only her becuase I knew it would hurt her if I took them of some other girl(because guys don't enjoy having pictures taken of them where I'm from). I did all of this for her, but could ever get her to see.

I have problems myself that prevent me from showing exactly how I feel. I have self esteem issues and battle with depression daily. I do not sleep well and engross myself with watching the world around me and writing(i do not post many of these), when I was home and could not sleep at night I would climb on the roof of my house and watch the stars until I could finally sleep. My problems are my own and I do not try to let them effect other people, especially her. I explained these things to her while we were dating and we knew eachother for a year before we dated and she would help me sometimes with these problems.

Things were always best when we were close to each other.

Then college came along and we could no longer be together everyday and I had very little time to do anything but college work. I still tried to talk to her, we txted all the time and in the evenings if I had time we would talk on the phone. Often I was running on 3 hours of sleep and didn't have a lot to talk about other then my work. We would argue about this and I would try to explain that I did care about her and nothing had changed. She would tell me about all the guys who asked her on dates and over to their house and who liked her. It did not make me feel better and would often push me into depression. I have been cheated on by every girlfriend I have had(which was 4 before her), I try not to let this bleed over into a relationship but its hard. I would ask her not to tell me those things but whenever she thought I no longer cared or we would argue she would always bring it up, I couldn't talk about much after that. She would often tell me that the love she couldn't show me in person she was giving to everyone else. I wanted her to have friends, but I didn't understand why she could no longer show love for me just because I was 2 hours away. She has always said we would be better off as friends. Since coming to college I could not do anything right, when I went home and could be with her everything was fine but when I was here nothing could be.

So finally I decided to end things between us. I could no longer make her happy. I could not take everything anymore. I tried the weekend before to make her see that I wanted her that I loved her and wanted to be with her an things were good for three days, which is usually how long it would last. We argued again and I couldn't take it anymore. I want to be friends with her, she was one of my best friends before, but know thats too much to ask so I left it up to her.

She posted things on Facebook, Flickr and I suppose myspace about me never caring about her and never showing that I loved her. Being in my own world and pushing her aside. I tried to show her everything that was in me, everything that composed my being.

I write this not to flame her but to explain, and to ask an opinion.


Am I right for feeling right now like my heart is gone, like I have failed and that I did everything wrong?

Was I right to end things?